


red herring

by stagecrime



Category: Clue (1985), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - America, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, First Meetings, M/M, Murder Mystery, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Clue | Cluedo, clue, clue the movie au, side characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29645316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stagecrime/pseuds/stagecrime
Summary: "It’s just a car drive from his house, and not too much trouble to go to. Unless, of course, he gets kidnapped while there.Not that he really expects to be. But, he supposes, it’s always a possibility when going to strange, unknown places in strange, unknown areas, invited by strange, unknown people.But now, as Remus drives through the hills on the way to who-knows-where, high beams on in the pouring rain and evening darkness, Remus hopes he was just being paranoid. Being kidnapped isn’t exactly on his to-do list for today, but, slamming down on the brakes as he almost hits a deer, that isn’t entirely something he can control if he really is going to this house. Which, it seems, he is. It isn’t as if he doesn’t know what ‘a certain long-standing confidential and painful financial liability’ means to him."Remus doesn't entirely know what he should have expected from an evening in this old house, but it certainly wasn't this.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	red herring

**Author's Note:**

  * For [callithemuse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/callithemuse/gifts).



> happy birthday to the amazing [@callithemuse](https://callithemuse.tumblr.com)!! hope you have a wonderful day <333
> 
> this fic is based off of clue: the movie, but you don't need to have seen it to understand. i've also tried to make it so that neither will spoil each other's endings.
> 
> but fair warning - this _is_ a murder mystery, and will contain everything that murder mysteries have. not much in this chapter, mentions of kidnapping and just,, general ominousness, but nothing _too_ bad.
> 
> thank you to [@wolfstarforeverandever](https://wolfstarforeverandever.tumblr.com) for betaing this chapter :) <3

_Remus Lupin-_

_It will be to your advantage to be present on this date because a Ms. Skeeter will bring to an end a certain long-standing confidential and painful financial liability. While there, you are to be known as Moony._

_\- A Friend_

Remus studies the letter in his hands once more, trying to determine its legitimacy. The emerald green ink has started to fade (who even writes letters with real ink and in script anymore?), and the paper is thick and creamy, almost giving the impression of parchment.

He’s never heard of a Ms. Skeeter, or anyone named Skeeter, and he doesn’t recognize the address included. _Not exactly reassuring,_ he thinks, eyes narrowed. It’s just a car drive from his house, and not too much trouble to go to. Unless, of course, he gets kidnapped while there.

Not that he really expects to be. But, he supposes, it’s always a possibility when going to strange, unknown places in strange, unknown areas, invited by strange, unknown people.

But now, as Remus drives through the hills on the way to who-knows-where, high beams on in the pouring rain and evening darkness, Remus hopes he was just being paranoid. Being kidnapped isn’t exactly on his to-do list for today, but, slamming down on the brakes as he almost hits a deer, that isn’t entirely something he can control if he really is going to this house. Which, it seems, he is. It isn’t as if he doesn’t know what ‘a certain long-standing confidential and painful financial liability’ means to him.

He rounds one more corner, barely missing a tree growing right next to the road, when he notices someone on the side of the narrow road, standing in front of an idling vintage-looking red convertible and, it seems, attempting to fix something inside the hood. Not that they’re hard to notice - they look frustrated, probably at their car not working and at their wet hair and clothes, and aside from that, they’re probably the hottest person Remus has ever seen.

Remus chooses to ignore that fact as best he can, however, when the person looks up at his car, looking almost relieved. He slows down, careful not to skid and hit them, and when their shoulders drop and relax, he pulls over behind them, against his better judgement. As he presses the button to roll down the window, Remus sighs slightly, but nevertheless says: “Want a ride?”

The person nods quickly, grinning, and slams shut the hood of their car. “If it’s not too much trouble, that’d be great.”

Remus smiles too, feeling a blush threatening to spread across his face at the person’s faint British accent. “Of course. Where are you going?”

“Uh-” They dig in their pockets for a minute, taking out and smoothing out a crumpled piece of paper. “Hill House, it’s called. Big sort of mansion, I think? Off this road, a bit further along. I’m late to a dinner date.”

“Wait, really?” Remus feels his brows furrow. “Hill House?”

The person nods, tilting their head. “I got a letter.” They hand the letter to Remus, and Remus just needs to glance at it to know that it’s nearly identical to the letter currently resting on the center console of his car.

_Sirius Black-_

_It will be to your advantage to be present on this date because a Ms. Skeeter will bring to an end a certain long-standing confidential and painful financial liability. While there, you are to be known as Padfoot._

_\- A Friend_

“I got a letter like this,” Remus says, squinting slightly, and hands his own letter along with this one to the person - Sirius Black, apparently.

Sirius skims the letter quickly, then looks up, smirking slightly. “Guess we’re going to the same place.”

Remus tries, and fails, not to blush. _How can he make that sound like a pickup line?_ “G-guess so.”

That’s when he realizes that Sirius is still standing outside his car, in the heavy rain, talking to him through the window. “Shit, sorry, come in.” He quickly unlocks the door, and Sirius opens it and climbs in, smiling and taking care not to drip too much in the car.

“No problem. Really, thank you.”

Remus shakes his head, smiling slightly at the road. “It’s no trouble. Are you leaving your car here, or…?” He looks at Sirius, whose smile grows lopsided when he shrugs.

“I guess so. Don’t really have a better idea.” He chuckles. At least the roof of the convertible is in place.

The drive from where they’ve stopped to Hill House is only about fifteen minutes, and even though both Remus and Sirius are silent through most of it, it’s more comfortable than awkward. Besides the blush that refuses to leave Remus’ face at the smirk that refuses to leave Sirius’, that is.

Hill House turns out to live up to its name - it’s a mansion, as Sirius mentioned, a vaguely Victorian-looking one, at the top of a hill with thick forest all around it. It’s an ominous place, not one that Remus would exactly like to go to for fear of kidnapping (or worse), although he supposes he doesn’t have much choice anymore.

“So, that’s it, eh?” Sirius is somehow still smirking. “Not a very...friendly-looking place, huh.”

Remus huffs a laugh. “Yeah. Almost starting to regret coming.” Nevertheless, he brings the car to a stop at the bottom of the hill where the road ends, mentally congratulating himself on not crashing in the dark and the rain, and opens his door to get out. Sirius does so as well, and Remus wonders for a moment if he should be thinking of him as Padfoot.

The trek up the driveway (it really can be called a trek, for how long and steep it is) is a strange one, as Remus’ mind won’t stop racing at maximum speed. _Why are we here? What are we doing here? Who invited us? How many people are going to be there? What is Sirius doing here? What’s_ his _‘long-standing confidential and painful financial liability’?_

The loud, deep bark of a dog startles him out of his thoughts, and he jumps and almost falls backwards, blushing deeply as he feels Sirius’ arms around his waist. “Shit, sorry, I-”

Sirius interrupts him. “You’re fine, don’t worry.” Remus can hear the deep smirk in the rumble of his voice, and he can feel Sirius’ chest underneath his back.

Remus springs off him immediately, almost stumbling into a glass wall, and is suddenly very grateful for the dark, as it means Sirius can’t see his bright red face.

“Shall we go in, then?” There’s a hint of amusement in Sirius’ voice, and it only serves to make Remus’ blush deeper. Sirius has abs, Sirius has fucking _abs_ that Remus could _feel_ through his _shirt_ , _fuck-_

More barks ring out, and then the sound of a doorbell, and Remus is once again forced to come out of his racing thoughts.

The door opens almost immediately, and they are greeted by a tall man with messy black hair, light brown skin, round owlish glasses, and, apparently, a full three-piece suit. Remus tries not to do a double take, but then, he supposes, this is a huge house, and maybe this man is a butler, or something of that sort. _What in the rich-people hell?_

The man grins blindingly, however, and ushers them inside. “Alright? I’m Potter, the butler, welcome, welcome.”

Sirius grins back at him, similarly blindingly. “Hey. I’m-”

“Padfoot, you’re to go by Padfoot.”

“Mhm, it said so in the letter.” Sirius’ smile has only slightly faded. Remus is really getting worried now that he wasn’t supposed to know Sirius’ real name - and, he supposes, Sirius isn’t supposed to know his either. _Shit_.

“And you are- Moony?”

Remus nods, smiling slightly. He doesn’t entirely know or want to know how or why these nicknames came into place.

“Great, come in, meet Meadow and Lion.”

Meadow, not that it’s probably her real name, is a tall woman with dark brown skin and neon pink dreadlocks to her waist. Remus doesn’t recognize either of them, but Sirius gives a small double take at Lion, a shorter man with straight, short black hair that grows to his ears and high cheekbones.

“I see you three know each other?” Potter looks from Remus to Sirius to Lion, eyes warm but moving fast.

Sirius speaks quickly. “We- we don’t, sir. Re- Moony and I just met.”

Potter’s smile doesn’t falter. “Oh, I see.”

Sirius doesn’t mention Lion, and Remus chooses not to question it.

They’re in a large room, a foyer, perhaps, with shiny wooden floors and walls and a high ceiling, complete with a chandelier. Remus has never felt more out of place.

The doorbell rings again, and Potter goes over to answer it. “Oh, hello. Come in, sir, ma’am, you’re expected.”

The newcomers are a small woman with heavy eye makeup, and a taller, pale man with black, stringy, thin hair. They’re introduced as Magdalene and Flavius, and honestly, from what Remus can tell by looking at them, those nicknames seem to fit pretty well.

Next and last, almost five very awkward minutes later, is a short, mousy man, Wormtail.

Remus doesn’t like the look of him.

“Now that everyone’s here!” Potter claps his hands. “We’ll get started. First, introductions. Obviously, everyone knows that they are going by an alias.”

There are nods from the room at large.

“You may have guessed that no one here is being addressed by their real name.”

Everyone’s eyes move from person to person.

“All of your aliases are puns of your real names. Some of them, more...vague than others.” Potter chuckles slightly, and Remus suddenly remembers his father telling him the legend of Remus and Romulus, and his own looking into his last name at age fourteen. _Moony indeed._ Remus smirks slightly. And Padfoot - how does that play into Sirius’ name? Sirius Black...Remus makes a mental note to look it up when he gets home.

“So none of you know who each other really are.” Potter smiles and claps his hands together. “Now, if everyone could just place their phones into this bag, we’ll get started on dinner.” Pulling a drawstring bag from his pocket, he holds it out, still smiling, and the room fills with voices.

“You can’t-”

“We need-”

“My lawyer-” That one is Lion.

But Potter just stands there, holding out the bag. “I’m afraid you _do_ need to give them up if we are to proceed.”

Sirius sighs next to him. “You haven’t even told us what we’re here for yet.” _He’s right,_ Remus thinks. _This is it. This is how I get kidnapped._

“I promise all that will come out at dinner,” Potter pauses. “Padfoot.”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr at [@stagecrime](https://stagecrime.tumblr.com) :) comments are what i live for


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